PART 2 of Abuse
In Part 1: What is the carry over of abuse. Examples to consider
HOW IT GETS SET UP
Abuse can happen in an instant, as a one time event. E.g. a mother slapping the infant once when it is breast feeding. The impact of that one time is powerful enough to send the system into shock. Abuse can happen repeatedly. The girl or boy is sexually assaulted every time the perpetrator gets drunk. The shock in the system cannot be gotten away from. Something in the person gets frozen to that moment. Overwhelm sets in. A shut down of one’s natural expression, of the mental processes, of inner knowingness occurs. This leads to compensating one’s natural behavior and that builds on the original abuse. This is the carry over.
The carry over of abuse can be sneaky. Those ways of being, habits, preferences seem to just fit like a glove. But they are holding us back in bring forth the brilliance of the expression of our spirits out. If you haven’t done so yet, take a look at part 1 and ponder the examples. See if any or how many fit you. Notice if there are other ones that come to mind as you look over the list.
SIDE NOTE: This is not about assigning blame to anyone external to you. It is not about finding fault. Rather it is about noticing the patterns within and rectifying them for ourselves.
IS IT ME OR IS IT RESIDUAL EFFECT?
Looking at the why of our actions and choices can be difficult. We can too easily assume that we are the way we are because, well, that’s just who or how we are. I’m inviting you to put that thought aside for a moment. Consider “what if”. What if talking in that higher pitch wasn’t really my natural expression but was something I learned to do to get by with? Why would I be doing that? What is making me have such a difficult time expressing my preferences? Why do I tend to find a reason for my friend making fun of me and say they’re a decent person when they’re really being mean? Feel into what is driving what you are doing or how you are being. What’s the real feeling behind always having the solution for someone else’s issue? Give yourself a moment to relax into yourself and see what you really hold inside.
NEW DEFINITION
But there is a way that abuse can be positive. What I mean here is that it can be used to grow more into the brilliance of our true self and are true potential. Now how does that work?
First let’s redefine abuse. Abuse is anything that takes you out of alignment with your Self. Abuse isn’t just went you are hit or tormented. It isn’t just when an action is forced on you violently. Abuse happens when there is a choice, or expression that is You, and you are kept from it. Anyone could be doing this to you including yourself. How are others taking you out of alignment with your self? How are you doing that to yourself?
It can, for example, show up in what appears to be a caring expression. Eg a mother being overly doting on her daughter, making sure her daughter has all her needs taken care of. This can become a box that the daughter, or son, is put into and stays in, possibly out of guilt. The bottom line is that abuse is anything that cuts away at our sense of who we are, the expression of our Being, and being aligned with and true to that.
Do note here that I’m not talking about situations like letting a child touch a hot stove because we don’t want to limit their freedom to explore. That would be abusing the child by not giving them the proper guidance in life – abuse through neglect.
HOW TO BENEFIT FROM ABUSE
In considering the why’s of your actions and reactions, and where they truly originate, you allow your pure expression to come out more cleanly. That purity of you is not navigating through as many distortions to show itself. As you become stronger and more stable in yourself, you’ll be better able to shift out of that hidden impact. Your brilliance will shine through even more!
Shifting the pattern might look something like this: the abuse pattern hits and you start to shake. The burning inside is growing and soon hits the edge of your body. Maybe it breaks through and you slam the door shut or abruptly hang up the phone. The rage rises and that’s your cue: You Are Off Your Center! You are out of alignment with yourself. Somehow you’ve lost sight of You and of Who you truly are. That’s your stop sign! Stop and re-engage the connection to your Self.
Take as long as you need to, to reconnect – a moment, and afternoon, a day. Reconnect until you feel You connected with You again. For me, it looks like this: I’m relaxed. My mind is calm. I’m at peace and the stillness vibrates all around me as my breath becomes slow and rhythmic.
When you use abuse as an indicator, instead of an intrusion, you are no longer victim. You are now in the place of power. This is the power to own yourself fully, completely, and be free.
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