The word relationship most often conjures up other people or even ourselves in connection with self. We tend to think about how we are interacting with another, how it feels to be with them and the fact that we simply are associated with them in some way or another.
People may talk about their relationship to money, to their work or to a concept, as having a good or bad relationship with this or that, or with so-and-so. While all of these are components of relationship, that is a very limited understanding regarding the essence of the matter.
Let’s take a step back for a minute from defining relationship and come back to our exploration of existence. See my previous blog post for more on this. Quickly reviewing, first we start with the state of oneness which by definition is shapeless, undefined, all itself. From that state of oneness emerges the state of individuation and a separating out of everything from that oneness.
Whatever you can think of, visualize, see, hear, sense, experience is a separated from the state of oneness. Every object, animal, person, thought, concept, etc. has come into its own entity its own “stand alone” expression of the oneness. For ease, I will refer to every one of those parts as objects, be they person, animal, inanimate object or whatever.
Now imagine that each of these objects is represented by a circle. Basically existence is made up of a bunch of circles floating around in the vast totality of existence.
But they don’t just float around independently. This is where relationship comes in. Relationship is what happens in the space between these circles, these objects. Relationship is what fills the gap between the objects.
The bottom line about everything and anything out there, about every “object”, is that by itself, as its own entity independent of any other entity, it is just fine! What changes that “fine” into “not so fine”, is what comes up in the space between one object and another.
Take yourself for example. You’re doing your own thing at work or at home, in your own space ,and you’re just fine. Bring another person into that space (so now there are 2 circles) and that starts to bring up a slew of possibilities as to if you’re still feeling fine or not.
Take an intimate relationship. Each person by themselves is one thing and they could actually be terrific people on their own. Then you bring the aspect of relationship into the mix and that can be when everything goes to hell or hopefully is even better than before. The same holds true between any two objects.
Take yourself, one object, and money as another object. As separate and independent entities, all objects just are. Fill in the space between the objects, and relationship shows up. This can be how you feel about that other person, money or concept, including how you feel about yourself in connection with that other object. You may be thinking of this point that maybe we can all be better off without that relationship piece! We’d all be fine and happy!
Perhaps we would be but we wouldn’t know who or what we are. We wouldn’t know our limits or have the motivation to get past them. We wouldn’t grow, we want to explore life. Not much would be happening except just kind of being. And the whole purpose of the Big Bang, of separating out from that state of oneness, was for that oneness, that one consciousness, to discover what it was in all its infinite possibilities.
Then how do we have the relationships we want, be that with another, ourselves, or our work? How can we make use of this connective aspect? And what is it that causes the relationship to be how it is?
First we understand that what makes the relationship what it is, is what is internal to us (an individual circle in the drawing above. What patterning and frequencies we hold within, is what colors and acts on that connective piece, the fabric between the circles. We create what is in the space between self and other and what ever thing you want to put in the place of “other”.
Next, it’s good to see how what is reflected back to us is exactly that: A reflection. It is showing us the patterning we have within which we may not realize we have. Take a step back from that relationship, that interaction, and look at what is being reflected.
It could be something good as much as it could be something that makes you wince. It could be reflecting back an ability, a skill or a way you have with others. It could be showing you a reaction you are still carrying around from 30 years ago you had towards your parent.
From this point on, it is for you to choose how you will use that information to be the person you want to be and have the experiences you’d rather have. You can change your relationships to be anything you want them to be, even if it might take some effort doing so.
And if you need extra support in this process, an outside view on things and some extra help shifting the patterning that needs it, I’m here for that to help you grow into your best possible self and into your brilliance!
Be Your Brilliant Self!
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