Death is a process that reaches far beyond that of physical death. It hits us on a daily basis and yet so few of us are really tuned in to or connected to this aspect of life. As we have moved further away from living in the heart of nature, we have separated ourselves from half of the process of life and of creating. We are pushed into the advancements of modern life, possessing more and moving faster. The more these take over, the further we move away from death and dying, as these get used to help us escape, rather than in a way that would serve us best.
What is death and dying about? Why is it important to open up and embrace it? I suggest you read my previous blog entitled “Being, Doing: The Art of It” along with this one. It will give you a sense of the flow that exists between life and death and how to start becoming more attuned to it for yourself. Being, Doing Developing that sense will bring more ease in your life as you become more adept at going with what is and what needs to be instead of resisting.
What is death?
The death process is about refinement. In death we’re letting go of the old form. Decay sets in as the form that once was in full bloom is now being dismantled and broken down. Nothing is meant to last forever in a single, unchanging form. Life doesn’t take shape to become stagnant. Everything in existence takes form out of nothing in order to expand into a full expression. This continues until the peak of that fullness is attained. When that has been reached, the cycle continues by moving into a pullback or contraction.
Think of, or better yet, pay attention to your breath. The breath comes into your lungs and expands them. At the height of fullness of the breath, there is a slight pause indicated it is the end of that expansion. Now the cycle continues as the breath is released. Contraction push the air out until the full release is attained. Notice this pause at the bottom of the exhale. This one is likely longer than the pause at the top of the in-breath. There it is in the pause! The moment of death. We live through death repeatedly in our daily lives. We just don’t recognize it as such.
The death process is not necessarily easy to go through, even when you are consciously accepting it. It is good to honor whatever needs to take place with the decay. Is it in anger that comes, frustration, grief, resistance? These are indicators of the breakdown of the old. They point to attachments and identities that have formed around whatever it is that is dying. When attachments and identity are healthy, they hint at the fullness of experience one has allowed one’s self to embrace with what is dying off. When attachments and identities are not healthy, they indicate the level to which you have resistance embracing more wholeness. Either way, at the height of that full expression or experience, the way for something else to come through opens up.
Embracing dying
Come into that stillness. Find a way to give yourself the space and time to do so. It may be that one minute is sufficient. A longer period of time may be needed. That will depend on what the death is connected to and it will depend on you. Sit and just be. Notice what is coming up. Do your best not to resist by pulling away and distracting yourself with other activity. Be present, be aware. You may want to journal, draw, even move your whole body to allow a clearer and stronger expression to what is releasing. It may be sufficient to just take a breath around what you are aware of, hold it a little and release it with the sound.
A good ending can be acknowledged in that pause with something like a “That was good!” or a “I really enjoyed that!” Sometimes the dying process takes longer than cannot be done in one sitting. Keep coming back to it regularly. This will allow you to remain conscious of it as it unfolds, even as it takes days, weeks or longer.
What Going through the Process Can Look Like
As I write this piece, I have been going through a tough process for about a week. Each day I come back to it by sitting in stillness and just being present with myself. I start by noticing my breath and becoming aware of my body and my physical surroundings. This is to remain in the present moment and present time-space reality.
I might sit there for five minutes, but this past week I have been sitting there for 30 to 60 minutes at a stretch, and even longer. I feel the old patterns, energies, frequencies leaving. I noticed that something new and deeper in is coming to life, without much definition to it. Sometimes the old shows up as physical pain and other times as memories and thoughts. Sometimes it is an impulse that makes me get up to go do something that doesn’t really need doing now. With each one, I breathe and come back to being still, allowing the decay of the old to feed the birthing of the new.
Practice Noticing
Every time something comes to end – A relationship, a meal, a project, an identity, etc. – we are faced with death. When we are able to allow one thing, anything, to come to completion and take that moment to pause ourselves, the more we can be in the flow of life and live with greater ease and less stress.
Take the time to notice how death shows up in everyday life for you. Become aware of when you start to notice the signs that something is coming to end. Be present as each part of the process is taking place. Be aware and acknowledge what is, as is appropriate for each “death” and for each part of the process of decaying. As you do so, you will honor what was. You will also be more able to expand and grow into the new and into the fullness of who you are today.
Please note: If you are experiencing severe loss and are having difficulty moving through the process, get yourself the support to do so. Seek out professional help if you’re not able to hold onto yourself or onto current physical reality, in order to keep yourself stable. Keep yourself safe and taken care of.
For a bit more on this topic: Listen to Lionel and me on our Coffee Break Insights talk about the death process and its role in materializing/creating. Insights on the Death Process
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